Monday, May 23, 2011

How to lose a bunch of weight- and then gain it right back!

Everyone's a winner! Oh, except you.
Every month, Bobby and I set up a monthly budget to make sure we stay in the poor house and don't have even that repo'd from us. We use the Dave Ramsey system and took a 12 week class a few years ago and since then we go over our budget every month and try to operate on a cash-only system so that we don't overspend and go into our bingo, beer, & lottery funds. Them there's our retirement fund after all.

A few weeks ago, Bobby and I were going over our monthly budget and we got to the grocery category. We were going back and forth about how much to allot and he said the thing I swear he says about 3 times a day: "We have so much food in our pantry already that I bet we could live off it for a month without grocery shopping."

Not our pantry, but a close representation.
Really? A month? "Okay, two weeks." Hmmm. That kinda sounded like a throw down to me. And since I like a challenge- and hate grocery shopping even more- I decided to take him up on it.

The first week went fine- I was thawing stuff out of the freezer that wasn't labeled, eating can upon can of black beans (I won't be buying 10 cans of anything at Costco anymore), going through our carb shelf (I hate pasta but I was determined not to give in, dammit). It was all running smoothly. Then I ran out of creamer. Game off!

Turn around, we forgot the apples!

Okay, I had to re-assess my game plan. Realistically, I could eat all the big stuff out of the cupboards, but do I really want to go 2 weeks with no creamer or eggs or fresh fruits and veggies? A while back, my first husband had cancer and we spent days at a time at the hospital for his chemo treatments on and off for a year. My mom heard that I was living off primarily bagels and coffee and made Shrimp bring us fruit also because she didn't want us getting scurvy. Apparently we were doing chemo on the Nina, Pinta, or Santa Maria because I don't think scurvy has been around since pirates went out of fashion but ever since, I always worry that if I go too long without fresh fruit I might come down with a case of the scurve.

One bottle is never enough.

You can't be too careful, right? So I revised my rules and decided that I could go to the store to get perishables only. Game on!

Anorexia, here I come!
So I'm back to eating what we have. And I have to admit that the novelty wore off quickly. There was one day where it was 2 pm and I still hadn't eaten anything because every time I thought I was hungry, I'd think about eating what's in my fridge again (Bobby was out of town so I ended up eating the same thing for about 5 meals in a row) and I'd decide that maybe I wasn't really that hungry after all. The weight just dropped off! It was so hard not to just go to Taco Bell or grab a chicken biscuit at McDonald's but it paid off. I was going through my closet to see what still fit me in order to purge and voila- all my pants were loose again! Sure, that wasn't the goal, but it was a nice side affect.

Apparently the thought of eating even one more bite of that chicken in the fridge was enough to make my own fat purge itself. At the same time, my hot yoga classes were quickly expiring so I crammed in 3 in one week so I was feeling like a lean, mean, Polarican machine. But for every ying, there's a yang. My ying was losing the weight. My yang? My parents' house.

Shrimp, Echo, and myself had been planning a trip up to Tennessee to see my parents this month because my mom turned 150 this month (I think that's 60 in human years) and we wanted to show her how much we love her by dragging our pale, lifeless bodies up to her house and let her wait on us hand and foot for a week. And for anyone who's spent any time at the Grease-a-linski house, you know you don't escape without an overall girth increase of 10%, enhanced by all the sodium and topped off with 3 helpings of pork products a day.

Approximately one serving at the Polack Palace.

Dream big!
And since today is my birthday, I'm getting a special birthday meal that will kick-start the widening right off! I weighed myself when we got here yesterday (we had already eaten a big ham dinner as soon as we got here) and I'm starting at 126. I'm guesstimating that I'll end up at least 132 by the time I leave but I don't want to set my sights too low- I'm going for 135 this time!

Mom said that if I gain weight here I can't blame it all on her since I went to the store and came back with 2 bags of pork rinds and a bag of potato sticks but I say that I wouldn't be eating it if I weren't up here, would I? So boing-stick.


Erin said...

I think you're next challenge should be to ONLY eat pork rinds for a month.

Erin said...

I meant "your". I can't believe I misused it! I'm such an idiot!

GBR1980 said...

Ah what is life if we cant eat good food and pig out. I am a serious candy and sweets addict..not matter how hard I try to give it up I just end up eating 3 boxes in one sitting, it never fails! I'm also hosting my first giveaway this week so come on over to check it out. Happy Monday!

Robert Matos said...

Thanks for sharing our financial situation with everybody on the inter web. At least we won't have to explain why there's a thrift store tag on everyone's Christmas present this year. Even regifting sounds expensive to me now. I looked in the refrigerator and pantry this morning and it seems like we can go another two weeks with what we have. I ate the pasta and peas for lunch and dinner today. Tomorrow I plan to have the rest of the chicken à la mold. On Wednesday I'll sift through the Phubbermaid and see if I recognize anything left over the past six months. Thursday I can make my famous white chocolate chip ravioli, seems to be only thing left in the cover. Oh wait, I forgot about the rice and beans. I guess I'll leave them for Friday. My goal is to keep the roof above our head forget about the weight-loss. Have fun in Tennessee babe. Love you very much and tell the family I said hello.

Debbie said...

Anna......I am so glad you are back to blogging; now there is something worthwhile to read on Facebook.
Bobby....maybe you should start your own blog.
Anna and Bobby.....Every time I cook I put a portion into a plastic container and freeze it for my Mom. Do I need to start doing the same for you?

Anna said...

Yes please Debbie! I never turn down food. You know what my favorite meal is? Anything I don't have to make myself. Bobby, quit your crying. At least you leave the house for work and get to eat out for one meal a day. Erin, I don't think I could survive the porkrind challenge; these BBQ porkrinds are so salty that I'd be blown up like a Macy's Day balloon by day 30. On the other hand, I have learned that eating 3 lbs of tomatoes in a matter of days gives your body a needed or not intestinal cleansing!

Anna said...

GBR, I know what you mean about the sweets- got up the other night at 2 am and ate a half a bag of white chocolate chips to satisfy my craving. I seriously think if someone delivered Klondike bars to your home they could make some serious bank (mostly from me alone).

Joseph Richmond said...

While it might suprise you to learn that I grew up in a family with 5 children (yes, we were Catholic my mother said more than once "If your father had lived there would probably be 12 more of you", but I digress.

A secret that every Lunch Room Lady and Catholic Mother knows like the Mass in Latin...."You can S T R E T C H your budget with Egg Noodles, Cream of Mushroom Soup (I saw that hiding in your symbolic pantry)Frozen Peas and Cans of Tuna! It's even legit on Fridays if your old school. Frugal thinking means more savings if you use off brand goods (Publix generic) noodles, mushroom soup, peas, and tuna backed in oil (you dump it into a collander and run cold water over it until you clog your sink).

Oh, and if you have a can of Spam in the back of the cupboard? Leave it. Save it for when times are bad and the eating food doesn't look like a tasty option.