Just imagine this: it's the end of February, the Disney Princess half marathon started 3 hours ago, and everyone has crossed the finish line. Or have they? Suddenly, out of the fog (yes, there is fog in my fantasies), comes a beautiful Sleeping Beauty (or Snow White or maybe Rapunzel) and then, gasping for breath, she crosses the finish line to thunderous applause for overcoming all of her obstacles!
But I pulled up the Jeff Galloway (official Disney training consultant) training schedule, and it actually looks like I could possibly pull this off. You only run 30 minutes on Tues & Thurs and then a longer run on the weekends. But- and here's the best part- you do this walk 45 seconds/ run 15 seconds thing for the first 3 weeks with lots of walk breaks to break all that running up. I mean, come on- even I could possibly do that! So I immediately started carb loading to prepare, but with the right kind of carbs. Chocolate cupcakes. Lots and lots of chocolate cupcakes.
Shrimp had made chocolate cupcakes iced with Nutella and then finished with banana flavored whipped cream type frosting. I had 2 Saturday night, then she brought them over the next night for dinner (2 more), and then left the rest at my house. Did I even stand a chance? Monday was a long day at work and it required the last 3 cupcakes. Tuesday I had a cupcake hangover but it was worth it since I was working towards my goal. My first training session was that night!
In case you haven't jogged in a while, every single piece of fat on your body jiggles while you run. So I thought I was fit already? Tell that to my ass, which is now bouncing up and down like the frequently quoted bowl full of jelly. Nine minutes in and I'm rethinking this plan. I really had thought that once I got started I would get into my groove and I'd be way better than I had anticipated. Wrong. I was way, way, WAY worse. Imagine a zombie that just spotted a fresh human so they pick up the shuffle and drag their gimp leg just a little bit faster. Slow that visual down a notch and that's me.
But I'm not giving up. I really think this will work out because most of my training will be during the winter so it won't always be a jillion degrees. Now I just need a partner. Here's my pitch- we register as a team and I will make us coordinating shirts! That's right, a VaVaVaVoom original, just for you honey! And I'll take a guy- we could be Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming! The date is Feb. 24th at 5:45 and the registration fee is $150 each. But how awesome would it be to run the Disney half marathon and then spend the day at Disney? Or maybe go over the day before (and start carb loading at the dessert buffet). But if you know I'm involved we'll have a good time! Or at least you'll get a cool shirt. Whadya say, any takers? I'll send you some cupcakes......
|And then I just kept running, and running...|
The biggest obstacle? Being me. And lazy. But that fantasy could totally come true! Sure, it seems like it could double as a commercial for the special olympics (sponsors, I've called dibs so call me for the rights to this fantasy) but I think this is much more realistic than my other fantasy, in which I cross the finish line not out of breath at all and with a decent time. Which, by the way, is any time less than 3 hours and 29 minutes.
Over the weekend, my clients ran the Disney half-marathon in the Mary Poppins and Belle shirts and I went to the Disney website to track them and started poking around, checking out what's coming up next. Sure, I realize that you don't actually get to run with the candlestick and Chip cartoon characters from Beauty and the Beast like they have on their page, but it sure looked magical and how cool would it be to actually make one of my shirts for myself? It'd be my first one! But I'm not a runner. I've tried in the past and I've finally determined that I am only destined to run if someone is chasing me down or if Popeye's finally sells out of a food cart like the ice cream truck and they are already halfway down the block (I'm telling ya Popeye's, I've got something there! Stop returning all my suggestion letters!).
|Three hours and twenty two minutes- record time!|
|Flaky biscuits, I'm coming to get ya!|
|So what's wrong with just one or two? Or seven?|
Since I always like to have a bunch of crap going on, I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and take the dogs to the dog park and run there since I was going to yoga later that night. But when we got to the park at 5:30, it was style 89 degrees. Fricking hot as balls. I walk a little to warm up, all the while trying to decide what my ratio will be. I figure 30 seconds walking/ 30 seconds running since I started yoga what, a few weeks ago? And obviously I am automatically in superior physical shape. But the guide said I should not be winded. Two minutes later, I reevaluate my ratio and decide that maybe a 30 seconds running/ one minute walking might be more my speed.
|I'm just resting here for a minute and then I'll get right back to training.|
|I hope this isn't a rule at the half marathon- fresh meat may be my only motivating factor|