You all have heard me talk about my sister Shrimp. As you may not have realized from her pictures since she uses more preservatives than a canning factory, she is old. OOOOOld. In fact, she just turned the big 4-0. You're welcome for making that information public, Shrimpo! So her super awesome husband Eric decided to throw her the surprise party that dreams are made of: A Big Fat Redneck Party.
You see, for whatever reason, Shrimp is fascinated with anything redneck. She loved that show "My Big Fat Redneck Wedding", she can do the accent perfectly, and occasionally likes to make us all go to the Round Up so that we can stumble around and call it line dancing. By the way, I think most of those cowboys are gay. I don't get hit on nearly enough there. It's like being on the set of BrokeBack Mountain.
So anyway, Eric started planning weeks in advance and set the bar pretty high, as far as redneck parties go. Abby was down from Maine so we just assembled some decorations (beer cans and plastic flowers in TP vases) and made the side dishes. Basically, anything with the term casserole in it (corn casserole, zucchini casserole, hash brown casserole), baked beans, coleslaw, potato salad, cheese bread. Or anything that had mayo listed as it's main ingredient. But the best part was designing the outfits.
It was quite a dilemma; do we go with the traditional hair in curlers/housecoat look or something more trendy, like wearing pants and a shirt together at the same time? And there were so many choices for camo wear at Wal-Mart. Did we go with the camo shirt as well as the camo purse and hat or mix it up a little with a pink leopard print tank top? Where will she put her can of dip- down her boobs or have Echo hold it? So many decisions. We found ourselves asking- what would Gretchen Wilson do? After all, we too wanted to be proper redneck women.
After scouring the pages of Rogue for hours (Redneck Vogue), we finally assembled what we thought was the trifecta of this season's creme de la creme of redneck fashions: a Camaro t-shirt , which Shrimp 'personalized' by cutting a subtle neckline showing off her bra and some venting across the back, cut-offs, big belt buckle, camo hat, 80's earrings & lipstick, and camo purse. Or the 'camo & camaro' look, as we're calling it.
Eric is sporting the head-to-toe camo look, complete with the bottle opener in the hat brim. Rogue refers to this look as 'every other man who has a gun rack in his truck.' Work it, Eric!
We wanted to go for the 'au natural' look for the teeth so we left the grill at home and just let Shrimp and Echo show off these beauties.
Here we see Abby showing off the latest in hair and make-up. This season, lay on that bronzer but be sure to use white eyeliner and eyeshadow to really make your eyes 'pop'!
Abby also found this rockin' hair piece at - hold on, you're not going to believe this- the Dollar Store! Yes, I know, this piece looks like it should cost ones of dollars, not just a single dollar. I have a feeling this will be making a reappearance in Maine, if not the runways in Paris.
I decided to go for the classic rollers/bandana hair-did and since I didn't have a jeans skirt, I just cut open a pair of jean shorts and threw on some old spandex shorts. Combine that with my whale tale, and, well, I don't think sexy really encompasses everything here.
And as Mary's mother-in-law Ann pointed out, I didn't even have to fake the trashy looking tramp stamp! That sucker is a Pasco County original baby. I'm so proud. But I don't have any pics of it.
Abby couldn't find another jean tube top small enough for baby Mary so she just took a tank top and cut it off to make a skirt. FRA (Future Rednecks of America), take note: you've got to be inventive when dressing the chilluns. They can't work a pair of scissors and light your cigarette at the same time. Yet.
For Echo, we just put her in some jean shorts and a t-shirt and let her go barefoot. If all else fails, a general lack of effort will work in a pinch.
But wouldn't you know it, those babies start drinking.....
.....and soon their clothes magically disappear! Could this be any more of a case of like mothers like daughters?
Sure girls, it's cute now, but in about two decades this kind of behaviour is going to land you in all kinds of videos you don't want to be in.
Before we went into the track, we wanted to get our drink on so we participated in some shotgun tailgating. Shrimp brought her usual cocktail of vodka with a vodka mixer and more vodka in ziplock baggies for the track. Eric has his cup o' whiskey because he don't waste no time getting wasted. FYI, that's also a good tip for a succesful date night.
Bobby and I decided we'd try to procreate in the back of the car so we could name the kid 'DeSoto Racetrack Matos'. We have dibs- no stealing!