Friday, January 27, 2012

I'm back in the saddle again! The sweaty, slippery, hot yoga saddle.

Yeehaw! Let's get sweaty!
Hey everyone, hope all of you had a good week. My week? So glad you asked! 

I wish my picture was this attractive
This week brought the return of my flabby body to hot yoga, after seeing possibly the worst picture of myself ever as the 'official' Disney photo of me crossing the finish line. And no, I will not be posting it here. Even I have my limits, as hard as that is to believe. Helen, I apologize that that particular picture is attached to your name for the Disney run! It somehow managed to catch all of my leg fat mid-stride, my eyes are closed, and I appear to be whistling. Oh, and my neck looks like a gizzard, post boil. All in all, a big motivator to do something, ANYTHING, to get into better shape, for the love of all that is holy!

I don't know what this has to do with all things holy, but it came up on Google and since Blades of Glory is one of the Best Movies Ever, I had to use the picture. Sexy bitches.

Oh, and there's the extra side effect of stretching out properly and getting some core strength, blah blah blah. The truth is, I've officially got a month to the Princess half-marathon and I've got to be in a little better shape than I was last time if I don't want to be a complete cripple afterwards. So back to the sweatbox I went!

Wow, I'm feeling so fit already! Can someone close the bunker door? You're letting all the heat out.

I had a Groupon for a month of unlimited hot yoga from a new place in Countryside so Monday night, I stretched the limit of my spandex workout outfit and hit the bricks. Or the cork floor. Whatever it was, it did not smell good.

Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me, pardon me....
The biggest difference I saw right off the bat was the sheer size of the class. Previously, I'd been in a class with at most 25 people. I'm pretty sure there were about 50 in the class Monday night, and not a small amount were dudes. And they were not too hard on the eyes, I'll admit it. I'm sure they were thinking the same thing about me. I think I heard whispers of, "Who's that albino lady with the muffin top and the sweat stains that make it look like she peed her pants?" What can I say, I'm a celebrity everywhere I go.

If Fergie can rock the peeing her pants look, so can I!

... and no more sense of smell. Amen.
In my haste to get sweaty, I forgot my yoga mat and had to borrow one there and although I knew that my towel covered every inch and I didn't have to actually touch the thing, I was grossed out nonetheless because I could swear that I could smell old puke emanating from it the entire class. I'm wondering if like the heat, my smell glands will adjust to the stench and by the end of the week, I won't even notice it anymore. I pray every night that that will be the case.

Almost there!
So once again I found myself 45 minutes into it, every inch covered in sweat, and lying face down on the towel. It's been weeks since I've found myself in that position, and the difference this time is that I am going to unfortunately remember this in the morning and there was no alcohol involved. I'm contemplating whether human beings are really supposed to be able to touch their toes or if this is just an urban myth when I'm interrupted by another rivulet of sweat running into my nose, making me feel like I'm drowning. 

Warrior 2- sans sweat sprinkler
I think this place has a humidity level of about 95% because I've never been a dripper before, just a sweater. This time when I go into warrior two and extend my arms toward the mirror, my arm is trickling sweat like the sprinkler on the roof of my neighbor's house. Seriously, does anyone know why he'd do that? It's been bugging me for two years now. But I digress.

Porkchop, get your deaf ass back here!
I ended up doing three classes this week and started running again, doing two miles on Tuesday & Thursday nights to get back into the swing of things and despite the ice bag on my knee right now, I'm feeling pretty good! Tonight I had the extra excitement while running of Porkchop getting out of his collar while on Sunset so that he could run after a stranger and bite his legs and then run into traffic. Meanwhile, I'm on the sidewalk looking as if I'm doing a manic mime impression because Porkchop is both deaf AND an asshole and won't come anywhere near me until I lay down on the sidewalk and he decides to investigate, probably to pee on my head, at which point I grab him and drag him home while he has his smug little dog smile plastered on his dumb face. Damn dog.

Oh yeah, sure, he looks all sweet try catching him and dodge traffic at the same time!

Do these come in a size 8?
Today begins the one month countdown to the Disney Princess Half Marathon- let the sewing begin! I got my patterns earlier this week and officially have no excuse to not get busy, so this weekend I will be making my shirt & running skirt to test out the patterns. I will try to take a few pictures as I go for future blog posts and next week, tune in for tattoo removal #2 blog! It was painful. It was disgusting. But it's looking less tramp stampy!

Maybe after the tramp stamp I can start to work on my tattoo necklace that was so hot in the joint but just looks dumb now that I'm back on the streets.

1 comment:

Bobby Matos said...

Nice work honey. You really know how to make my day.