Monday, January 9, 2012

Emergency Running Update: I am apparently HOLDING BOBBY BACK

Yesterday, Bobby and I finished the Disney half-marathon and despite the fact that we quite frankly sucked at it, we loved doing it so much that we immediately started making plans for our next Disney run. We were talking about the Food & Wine run and the Tower of Terror run coming up in the fall, and how excited we were that they were night runs, blah blah blah. All that runner's high crap. But before I continue, let me sum up our  short running history.

At the beginning of October, I was inspired by my friend Helen, who had just completed running the 2011 Wine & Dine half-marathon, to complete a run of my own despite the fact that I have no natural athletic abilities or inclinations. I started training (slowly) using a couch-to-5K app and got Bobby to train with me. Granted, Bobby is a more natural runner than I am but it was nice to have a mutual hobby.

If the running doesn't work out, small farming is next.

We joined a running club in December and slowly increased our distances. While I'm slow, to my credit, I'm a better pace runner. I will run slowly but for a long distance where as all the other times Bobby tried to run for his health, he would generally just go out and run as far as he could as fast as he could (which is pretty fast) and then stop. He'd repeat this approximately three more nights and then quit because he was so sore. So my way was slower, but we very rarely had a sore day and we kept at it for longer than ever before.

Along comes January, and the opportunity presented itself for us to run the Disney half-marathon on Jan. 7th and although we were unprepared, we decided to just go for it. Now, I have to tell you, that jogging is the one thing that I don't seem to get progressively better at. Meaning that one day I'll have a great run, and I'll go out the next time and expect it to be better and it sucks ass. So I had zero expectations of being good for the Disney half. 

So nobody was more surprised than me when I kept going like the Energizer bunny on the morning of the half. We had decided to run for six minutes then walk for two for as long as we could keep it up and I don't know if it was the Gu or the Disney energy or what, but I kept up a pretty good pace during the running jags and we were going strong until mile nine, when Bobby had to stop running because of his knee. Okay, did you get that? Because I had knee pain after about six miles, but being the martyr I am, suffered in silence. But when Bobby couldn't run, we decided to just walk the last four miles, which was fine. If only I knew then what I know now; I would have left his ass right there at the Powerade station and just kept on going!

Because tonight, on our way home from the store, we were talking about the race next year and our friends that had run the year prior. And Bobby said maybe he'd run with the Drew and I'd run with Amber. Here's how the conversation went:

Bobby: I was talking to Drew about the race and they might do it again next year, so maybe I'll run with him.

Anna: (confused) Why would you run with Drew? What about me and Amber?

B: Oh yeah, Amber will probably do it too, and you could run with her.

A: (still confused) But why would you run with Drew and me with Amber? Why wouldn't we run together?

B: Because if I'm going to be training for a year, I don't want to be held back, wondering if my skirt is just right. (I swear to insert-diety-of-choice-here that he actually said that). 

A: And you think I'D hold YOU back?

B: Yes.

A: Me?

B: Yes.

A: Hold you back?

B: Yes. 

A: After yesterday, you think that I'D hold YOU back?

B: Yesterday, you had a great day. You ran better than you ever have, you were going strong baby! But......

A: So not only do you think you'd be faster than me, even though I'll be training for a year too, but you assume that Drew is faster than Amber because he's a guy?

I don't think so.
B: No, I saw plenty of women fly past me yesterday!

A: Oh, so it's just me!

Is there a kind besides desperate?
And the conversation went downhill from there. In case you don't know this side of me, I can hold a grudge longer than a 23 year old dental hygienist can hold in her gut during the filming of the jacuzzi scene of The Bachelor. In other words, for a long f'ing time. 

Specifically, the jerks of the Matos variety
And you think you're going to be better than me? Think again my friend. Don't try to threaten me with, "I don't think I'm going to be running anymore," when you don't like the fact that I was actually offended by the above conversation. I know I have a bad habit of being blunt and having no social antenna, but even I picked up on the jack-assedness of that statement!

So consider this a throwdown, Mr. Matos. You think you can beat my time at the next Disney run? Prove it. Game on, ass.

And by death, I don't mean mine. You'd better run fast, Matos.


d311495a-3b77-11e1-b790-000bcdcb8a73 said...

Hey, Anna, you can run with me! I'll keep your ass going and at a 10mm pace you will definitely PR and beat your cohorts time;) plus the tower of terror is only 10 miles! Piece of cake!!! Oh and the Princess will be awesome;)

d311495a-3b77-11e1-b790-000bcdcb8a73 said...


Anna said...

I accept, Helen! I need to buckle down with my training. Should I start shooting up the steroids now or wait till it gets closer to the race. I know, I'll just do both.

Bobby Matos said...

Anna, I think you'll need to strap yourself to Helen to finish in front of me. Remember, this is not the same as playing Wii sword fighting and having your butt kicked by your niece. Although I did win my last bout. Yeah for me!

I accept the challenge.

Blonde Bitch #2 said...

OOOhhhhhh.... I smell blood!!!!

Who's going to be the first to cry like a little bitch?!

maybe we should all get t-shirts that say 'Team Anna" or "Team Bobby" so we know where everyine stands and can raz people correctly...


Anna said...

Bobby, what did I tell you about not talking about your strap-ons in public? And Abby, I think that's a great idea, although I'd hate to embarrass Bobby by having nobody there with his pathetic loser t-shirt on :(.

Bobby Matos said...

Honey, the only way you're going to beat me in next race is if you pull a Tonya Harding on me.