Sunday, August 21, 2011

I Just Can't Get Enough- of those Jon Jons!

A few months ago, I used to have a glass of wine or a roofie or two to relax after work; now, I just fire up the sewing machine and make a jon jon after a long, hard day. Sometimes I have contests with myself to see if I can beat my best jon jon time, but then I end up having so much fun that I completely lose track of time! Even on those rare occasions that Bobby and I disagree, we'll often just say, "Woah- let's just slow down, make some jon jons, and then talk about this in a little bit." Then by the time we're finished making the jon jons, we've completely forgotten what we were fighting about to start with! Oh, those jon jons!

Thank you jon jon for keeping the pieces of my broken marriage together!
You know, talking about all the fun I've been having makes me feel a little guilty for hogging  it all to myself. It's like I've discovered a new religion and I want to share it with the world! And we all know how annoying religious zealots can be so you may as well just listen to my spiel and get it over with. 
But first, let me tell you about my jon jons.....
The jon jons are big sellers. Fortunately, my shirts are doing pretty well too. And I really like making the women's shirts because I get to be creative. Where else would I be able to make a Mary Poppins and a Belle shirt for women running a half marathon? Or a maternity Cinderella shirt? I can pretty much make you feel pretty in any situation. I'm thinking of expanding into the colonoscopy market. I'll have Shrimp do the field testing to find out what to wear when you're having something shoved up your ass. 

But that brings me back to jon jons. I have more requests for these things than I can complete and I could use some help. Does it pay well? No. Are the working conditions reasonable? Not in  the slightest. I basically need someone who's so desperate for money that they'll do anything but they're past their prime for the street corner. Junkie comes to mind first. Then I thought, "Mom"! Since she was coming down for a week, it was the perfect time to lure her into my jon jon web. 

It started off great, it really did. We cut out the material to make 2 jon jons and got sewing. I showed mom how to make the french seams to make sure that there are no raw edges inside that will fray in the wash, then we sewed up the red parts in no time. Then we added the black bib part and something wasn't quite right..... Oh, oops. I forgot to mention that we have to factor in our own seam allowance for the black part since the original pattern is all one piece for the front and I just cut the pattern off to make the black. Without adding the seam allowance to the red and black parts, when you sew them back together, your front ends up an inch shorter than the back. Damn, that sucks.

So mom had to take apart the top, cut a new one, then sew that on. And she has old lady eyes so taking out the stitches was extra difficult for her. It was kind of hard to watch, really. Like an old dog with cataracts trying to find his way to the water bowl. But by golly, she got it done! But then she accidentally sewed the straps down the wrong way, and had to take that apart also. A few times. Seriously sad. And completely my fault because I've made all these mistakes already so I knew how to avoid them but forgot to tell her about them. But hey, she's gotta learn, right?
I hear your other senses sharpen when one goes but mom still can't hear worth a shit either. 

And in the end, her jon jon looked pretty good. All I had to do was add the button holes and buttons and hem up the legs and I sent it off to a client. Of course, if she returns it due to defects I'll have to deduct the cost of materials from mom Christmas present, but I'm sure it'll be okay. 

So now mom is back home and thinking of making the jon jons. So in order to try to persuade her to work for the best boss ever- me- I've made my plea in a short video. Aptly titled "Persuasive Jon Jon Speech".  Mom, I'm hoping this will win you over!


Anonymous said...

You are too much! LOL!

Anonymous said...

oh comment worked after all this time! first time.

Anna said...

Hey, look at that! Did the video persuade you to become a team member Kim?

Bobby Matos said...

Mom, please don't let Anna's blog affect our relationship.

Erin said...

Did you steam the dollar bill to get rid of the wrinkles, or to kill the syphilis it picked up from your boobs?

Anonymous said...

Puts new meaning to pork barrel spending

Bride-onicles said...

Haha you are too funny, enlisting free help is def the way to go! Props to your mama!! :)

Anonymous said...

OMG vacations are fun ~ but coming back to your blog is even funnier! rotflmao! love u aunt Diane ;) xoxo Jenn