Friday, February 10, 2012

Life is beautiful.

All day I've been stumped over what I was going to write about in this week's blog. I even solicited topics from a friend, who just pointed out that the reason I can't think of anything to write or anything funny to say probably has some correlation to the fact that I'm currently not drinking. Talk about stating the obvious. Okay, it was a revelation for me, but still. Oh, and by the way Shannon, I'm on my second bowl of mashed potatoes for the day. Hey, next time come up with an idea and I'll keep the spud news to myself until your diet phase passes.

What's that, mashed potatoes? You think I should go for bowl number three? Well, you know what's best...

But then something wonderful happened. I had such a fantastic experience- one of those things that you wish happened every day- that I couldn't resist writing about it. It went something like this.......

I had decided this morning that I would do something unexpectedly nice for Bobby (see, I do have a nice bone in my body). But Bobby's earned it, if just for the sheer effort of being married to me and having to put up with comments like, "Can you run ten feet behind me because I can't stand the sound of your flat feet" or, in the case where he runs ahead of me and then runs backward making a funny expression, "I'm going to punch you in the face." And then there's everyday stuff, but you see what I mean. He was due for something nice.

Seriously, what's so hard to understand about ten feet? Not nine, not eleven, ten, dammit!

So what makes Bobby happy? Cleaning. More specifically, me cleaning. So I decided that for Bobby's surprise, I would clean the spare bedroom where he has his desk and, on allergy nights, sleeps also. So all day long, when I had a few spare minutes, I'd change sheets, put books back on the bookshelf,  dust,  and, um... okay, that was it. So it wasn't exactly a hard task, but it's the thought that counts.

Ah, I love getting high from combining Windex and Orange Glo!

Well, right before he got home, I decided to give it one more glance. As I was standing in the hallway, his room to the right and the play room to the left, I thought to myself, "What is that delightful smell?"

Is that hibiscus with an undertone of urine that I'm smelling?

I followed my nose into the playroom, and after rolling the crib away from the wall, I found the source of this olfactory treat. I exclaimed, like anyone would who perhaps won the lottery or had some other super awesome thing happen to them, "Woohoo, it's CAT PEE!" Yeahhhh baby! You know, I thought my day was going good before, but this was a whole new level of fantastic.

I got out the much used can of carpet cleaner and began what I like to think of as a cat-provided Easter egg hunt. Except instead of plastic eggs filled with candy, I get to find small spots of ammonia laden cat urine! Don't worry, if you are ever in the neighborhood, stop on by and give this a go. It is as fun as it sounds and the cats will always, if the trend continues, provide more delight for everyone.

Thank you Ginger & Skipper for providing hours of fun for all!

I was especially satisfied that the cat (cats? who knew? maybe they're both in on the fun!) decided to focus mainly- but not only- on the playroom. Because with us hoping to adopt, nothing is more impressive than opening up the door to the soon to be nursery during the home inspection and having the fragrant musk of cat pee waft up to your nostrils. It just screams out to the case worker, "I am sanitary and could take care of a baby! Give me one now please!" Who could resist us after that? I bet we get one double fast. Thank the lord for elderly, apparently incontinent, cats.

You know what another word for having two old cats is? Jackpot.

I must have been a Princess in my last life.
The fun didn't stop there- yay! For some reason, they (the unknown cat) like to pee along the baseboards BUT, and here's the kicker, you can barely see the small light yellow spot on the what-used-to-be-tan carpets, so when I think I found a spot, I get to get down real low and smell it just to be sure. I know what you're saying right now. "How did Anna get so lucky in life?". Well, my friends, I must have done something right in a past life, that's what I'm thinking.

So when Bobby got home, he got not one, but two treats today. The first being me, looking fine with my hair in two Princess Leia buns, workout shorts and shirt (and not the good looking ones), and my red knit knee high boot slippers with the pom poms, scrubbing away at the carpet and sweating like a Polish factory worker. I read in Women's Health the other day that men are actually turned on by the scent of a woman's sweat, so Bobby, I apologize. You must walk around with a huge boner 24/7. I have to remember to get you more Astroglide to help with all of your animal urges I must be stirring up.

Who does this look NOT look good on? Nobody. Exactly.

Oh, and he liked the room. His exact quote was, "Holy Shit!" at a decibel our neighbors were sure to enjoy also, so I think that part at least was a good surprise. The best surprise is going to be his face when he gets the estimate of what it's going to cost us to rip up all the carpet in the house, which is everywhere except the kitchen, and replace it with tile. Good times are a comin', my friends. Good times are a comin'.

You ain't seen nothin yet, JJ.


Anonymous said...

I was doing Bobby's laundry the other night, and I swear it was giving him a boner. And it was NOT the chioce outfit I was sporting. This is married life. Love is in doining things for one another. Sexy night gowns are for dating.

Ps. I am NEVER getting a cat.

pps. Doesn't Travis do tile? If not, I have a great guy in FL who does. They did all the work in the FL house before we sold.


Anonymous said...

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Monica Gehllar said...

Well the Cat Pee must have worked ;)

Monica Gehllar said...

Well the cat pee must have worked ;)