Thursday, July 7, 2011

Jon Jons- Guaranteed to have your son singing show tunes by kindergarten!

So small, yet I hate it so much.
Oh, and by the way, wanna buy one? I mean, who wouldn't after that fantastic intro? I'm pretty sure these things are going to be singularly responsible for turning boys into women for the yuppy kids of this generation. In case you don't know what a Jon Jon is, let me back the truck up on this story.

In case you're the one person who has been living under a rock and didn't get my Facebook status updates, 'like' requests for my new page, emails announcing my new store, or one of the many, many instant message updates, I got the Etsy store ,VaVaVaVoom, up and running! What, haven't been there yet? Stop everything and go there. Right now. Here's the link: VaVaVaVoom! .Go ahead, save it as one of your favorites. You know you're going to want to look again.

Ta da, here's my store banner!

So that's why I've been missing in action for a little while. It's been a one person sweatshop in here; sewing, then taking pictures, posting it online, and then obsessively hitting the refresh button to see how many views I've gotten. You can see how that's time consuming, right? But the great part (I think?) is that I already have enough orders to keep me busy for quite a while. But don't get me wrong- order something, please! But since I opened the store a little over a week ago, my best friend Roughie has been researching and scouting out fabric and generally managing my minute-to-minute living to make sure I'm not taking more than a five minute dinner break and that all lunch hours and work breaks are spent behind the sewing machine. And crying does no good with her. She makes me work an extra fifteen minutes if she hears tears.

Well, a little while ago, Roughie found these Jon Jons that look like the outfit Mickey Mouse wears and they sell like crazy and look pretty easy to make. So I take a look, and like a total and complete idiot, go "Yeah, that DOES look easy to make. I'll do it!". Please replay that phrase in your head using Goofy's voice and follow it up with his customary 'yuck yuck' laugh, and that's about as stupid and naive as I sounded. I went and bought the fabric and pattern, cut it all out, and started assembly. And guess what. There's a reason that lady on Etsy gets $45 for these things; they're a pain in the ass! And I didn't even sew in the snaps in the crotch. People are just gonna have to work a little harder to change their kid. Or they can just let the diarrhea flow like hot lava like Echo in our ride home from Tennessee .
I'm off to buy some fabric! This is gonna be so easy! Yuck yuck!
But my point is this: hand made stuff, like the stuff I sell, is expensive for a reason. And what is the top secret reason? Here it is. Get ready for a brain freeze because this is a lot to take in. Making shit yourself is hard. Doubt me? Are you pulling a Rough and thinking to yourself, "Well look at that thing; how hard could that REALLY be?". Ha ha, ha ha ha ha ha! That's me, rolling on the floor and cackling maniacally, because until you actually make something, it's really hard to understand how something so little can be such a pain in the ass. Oh wait, have kids? Then you know. But seriously, everyone has a project that started with 'how hard could it be' and almost ended in a murder/suicide. So what's yours? Did you go to paint a room, thinking it would just take a day and it took a month and then you finally hired someone else to just do it for you (Shrimp)? Come on, misery, meaning myself, loves company. So dish.

I wonder what my father-in-law is doing this weekend....
But in case you're wondering what's in store for VaVaVaVoom, I'll give you some ideas that you'll see within the next month: a new Rapunzel t-shirt for women and also, wait for it- a matching t-shirt Rapunzel dress for little girls!
She can look like a princess without sweating like a whore in church (thank you Kim for my new favorite phrase).

So THAT'S why Erin isn't allowed back at Our Lady Queen of Peace.

Also, Winnie the Pooh shirts for little boys and little Winnie the Pooh dresses for girls (new movie coming out, thank you Rough for the tip and supplies).


A new Ariel shirt for women,

and a Pirate Princess shirt for women also in black, white, and hot pink.

And to go along with the shirts, I'm going to start making little matching cell phone/credit card wristlets so that you don't have to leave your valuables in the diaper bag while you're waiting two hours in line for It's a Small World. I should probably make a pocket for the Zanax. This stuff is gonna be so cute you're gonna crap your pants, so be sure to go first and check the store often! And please, please, PLEASE, for the love of all things holy, NO MORE SUGGESTIONS! I am obviously just too dumb to say no.


Robert Matos said...

Good one honey.

Erin said...

Seriously, the last time I was in Our Lady Queen of Peace, I got yelled at by the old hag church lady in there. It was like 2 years ago for a wedding, and apparently they didn't want us to talk at all (it was some holy day for the church and lots of people were there to pray and crap), but we were busy taking pictures and not really paying attention. So she comes over and tries to nicely tell us to be quiet, when Mike's cousin asks what she was talking about I of course told him to shut up. She told me that that was highly inappropriate, but I'm guessing telling her to go fuck herself would have been inappropriate too. So I just waited till she turned around and then told her to fuck off. I was never that big of a fan of church anyways.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Anna, Call ME! I have some suggestions!

Anonymous said...

I'm like a whore psychic- I didn't even know that happened to you Erin! Hey, and thanks for dropping all the f bombs. Now I can't read it aloud to my Sunday school class.

Anonymous said...

a pocket for the Zanax...hmmm good idea for those parents out there...Oh and btw I might have a gal in mind for a purchase of these "Jon Jon's" My BFF Barb is coming soon whose son LOVES Mickey...I'll twist her arm ;) OR buy it myself for her heh heh X - Jenn